Travel Advent Haiku #1

A bit of backstory: I love writing little stupid Haiku’s with whoever I happen to be traveling with. They’re often quite terrible and crude, but they make me laugh so I hope you enjoy.

January 2018. Somewhere in the Dordogne, France

Old Stones soaked in wine
Rise from the Encroaching Mist
Gourmand Perfume Calls


Cat on my bonnet
Blue hippopotamus roam
through my verdant field


Licorice Pernod
Coursing through my every vein
Who needs a brain uuuhhh….


Here’s some duck, eat it
Here’s some wine, I guess it’s red
Shut your stupid head

(This was inspired by a French waiter who, rather than explaining the dish, would simply state the obvious fact of what it was. “Uh…here is some..uh. Duck” or “Here is some uh… red wine…” I suppose it was from lack of English confidence but it was still funny.)


Let’s paint in the cave
Who put this dick on the wall?
Why did we bring Og…

(Inspired by the caveman pervert who drew dicks and vaginas on a French cave wall thousands of years ago)


Where’d you get those lips?
Can you get your money back?
Your face is melting

(Inspired by a Parisian with a few too many surgeries.)

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